just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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