He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
