it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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