I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
