when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
