oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you inspire me to be a worse person
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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