How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
His nipple licking is glorious
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