Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
