Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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