how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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