oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
