Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
