Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
