I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't turn off my feet"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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