she woke up with a sticky ear
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dick has a subreddit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
