how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
