the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
