sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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