hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
