Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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