If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
