I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
