HIV tests are more positive than that guy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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