god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
