he thought i was a dude.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
