u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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