she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
