For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
