no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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