did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
