who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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