You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
