i jhust puked up my retainher.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
