no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
