My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
