My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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