Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
