So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
