i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
