I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
