You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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