Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
