I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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