Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Someone stole a lamp last night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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