I feel like abortions should bother me more
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
