I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
