her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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