so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
