Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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