So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
