Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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