Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize