week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
