if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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