He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
