turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
