pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize