Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
