worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
