You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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