Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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