while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
