Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
